a practical guide to making yourself miserable

from someone who visits misery monthly and finds a way back

Every month, I spend at least a few days completely miserable. To be clear, this is not my baseline. Most of the time I’m energetic, optimistic and glass-half-full to a potentially annoying degree. I mean, I like my life, I like my work and I generally believe things will work out.

And then, in the lead-up to my period… the trapdoor opens.

Suddenly, everything is terrible. The world is bleak. People are disappointing. My past is embarrassing. My future is doomed. And yes, there are many REAL reasons to be miserable (just watch the news), but at this point in the month the misery comes from WITHIN which is, honestly, extremely tough.

naturally I’m doing my best to find solutions to this monthly occurrence (with some success!), but the strange upside of this is that I have a very clear before-and-after. I’ve regularly experienced a full spectrum of emotions and can truly see how our mindset and perceptions shape how we feel and, ergo (does that word work here?!) how our lives play out.

So, in case you were ever looking for a one-way ticket to a joyless existence, allow me to share what absolutely works!!!! (Oh, and a few misery-busting tips for turning the ship around if you want to).

Ascribe negative intentions to everyone

Take other people’s actions and interpret them in the WORST possible way. A delayed reply? Disrespect. A short message? Passive aggression. A question? A thinly veiled attack on your intelligence. Other people hanging out? They left you out on purpose. Never assume kindness, never assume whatever-ness. Silently build a case in your head against everyone around you.

Misery buster: Assume everyone is just doing their best, and consciously tell yourself that any slight or issue you feel in all likelihood has nothing to do with you (then move on).

Always assume the worst

Whenever you’re faced with a situation, decision or idea, simply assume and mull on the fact that the worst possible scenario will play out. Considering starting a new business? It’s likely you’ll lose all your money. Thinking of going out and making new friends? Everyone sucks and they’ll probably hate you anyway.

Misery buster: Visualise what it looks like when everything works out. Write it down if you have to.

Ruminate like it’s a full-time job

Do not let negative thoughts pass through you. Invite them in. Settle them on the couch: Replay things you’ve said (over and over). Review history. Analyse tone. Examine your flaws from every conceivable angle and ask yourself why you are the way you are, what it says about you, and how long you’ve probably been like this without noticing.

Misery buster: Distract yourself with something creative like cooking or a craft, or simply write down three things that happened today that made you happy (they can be as small as you like).

Doomscroll with commitment

If you’re going to be miserable, don’t half arse it. Wake up and immediately absorb the worst news available. Climate collapse. Economic anxiety. Parenting discourse designed to make you feel inadequate. A post from someone who seems to be doing exactly what you do but better. Under no circumstances should you put the phone down once your nervous system starts to buckle, you’ve reached the sweet spot!

Misery buster: Put in place an 8pm - 8am phone ban, and don’t let yourself scroll.

Disconnect from creativity entirely

Tell yourself you’re too busy, too tired or too behind. Scroll instead of doing. Consume instead of creating. Decide that creativity must be productive, monetised, impressive or shared otherwise it’s a waste of time. Keep all your ideas in your head where they can swirl around and exhaust you.

Misery buster: Make or do something small, with no purpose other than to have fun. Create a ‘doing box’ in your home with small projects you can pick up and do when doubt sets in.

Stay inside

Fresh air is suspicious. Sunlight is overrated. Remain indoors as much as possible and whatever you do don’t go out first thing in the morning. Sit in the same position for hours, and it’s probably best to forget what your body feels like in motion. If you do happen to notice the weather is nice, close the curtains dummy!

Misery buster: Put your shoes on and go for a walk first thing in the morning. If you can’t, clear your space and do some simple stretches with some deep breaths.

Always focus on productivity

Treat every moment as an opportunity to optimise. Never just be. The best state is one of rushing and even better, always be checking off a list in your head and whatever you do, don’t make time to play, with your kids let alone yourself. Never potter. Never dawdle. Never follow curiosity for its own sake. Idleness is for the weak!!!!

Misery buster: Slow down. Take a moment. Take a breath. Do something just because. Delight in something tiny like the shape of a flower or your child’s hand in yours (ok now I’m crying!!!).

Compare constantly

Never give yourself a break from comparing yourself to those around you and those you see online especially when it comes to your career and your life. Whatever you do, don’t consider the fact that you’re mainly seeing people’s highlights, that’s not helpful! Keep a mental ledger of who is ahead.

Misery buster: remind yourself that everyone’s journey looks different and you are exactly where you need to be right now.

Obsess over how you look

If you want to deepen the misery, it’s a good idea to turn your attention inward, specifically: toward your appearance. Examine yourself harshly. Notice every perceived flaw. Compare your face, body, skin, hair, and general vibe to people online, IDEALLY people who are younger, richer, more rested or heavily filtered. Convince yourself that how you look is not only important but diagnostic and that what you see is evidence of laziness, decline or lack of discipline.

Misery buster: Change the voice in your head and start talking to yourself with kindness and compassion - kind of like the way you would to a friend. Remind yourself that when you’re old, your first thought won’t be ‘I wish my stomach had been flatter when I was 32’.

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I’d love to hear if you think I left anything out (in fact I feel like there are so many more but this article got v long!). You’ll be happy to know that my monthly misery is getting better but not without a little work…

Oh and in case you’re new here, I have an online community and creative courses platform (teaching embroidery, sewing, dollhouse & miniatures, mosaic and furniture upcycling) over at Geneva’s DIY School (almost 6,000 members and counting!) and also have a slow fashion brand Collective Gen with creative workwear designed to help you dress for the creative life you want. Thanks for reading!

xxx Geneva